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The Outback Aussie - One croc of a tail!A short story for the campfire.... Roo and me were ridin' down a stretch of dusty trail when out of the blue, an American driving a camouflaged jeep ran us clean off into a ditch. Tourists, you can spot 'em a mile away. They like the jeeps, like to wear silly lookin' safari hats, too - like that gentleman who'd rammed us off the trail.
He ran like
a deer to our overturned rig, asking if we were okay. His head supported
thick Roo looked at me and grinned, our thoughts colliding. We'd been searching years now, for a gentleman caller for Ruthie, our ugly sister. Roo and I felt a bit guilty, because where Ruthie had been cursed, we'd been blessed. Our genes must have unmercifully stolen all her good genes: snow white straight teeth, thick heads of blond hair, bronzed hides, and strong nails and gums. Our Ruthie, little plain Ruthie with the large clumsy feet and hands, and the laugh of a large crow. I winked at Roo, then told Frankie, "Best take us home, Frankie. This thing's not safe to ride in," I continued, nodding briefly at our demolished rig. "But...but...but are you okay?" Frankie asked, insistent upon the matter. "Aye," we both nodded. Five minutes later we were in Frankie's camouflaged jeep and heading down the dirt trail at a snail's pace. I wanted to tell him, 'Gas pedal's on yer right,' but I held my tongue. Ruthie would soon have her nine-inch nails driven into this innocent slip of a man. Ruthie met us as we whirled slowly into the circled drive. Her curious gaze swept over Frankie, and I thought I glimpsed suspicion in Frankie's, but I must have imagined it, of course. How could he have ever guessed that he was the fatted calf for our Ruthie? To make a very long story short, Frankie and our Ruthie were joined in matrimony a week later. Roo made a fine Best Man, and the veil concealed Ruthie's face quite nicely. And me? I
just stood at the back of the church with Sam, my croc, guarding the door. Worked
like a charm, too. Not one protest. Beautiful wedding even though
the bride was an Click Here to Return to American Outback |
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Mean ole rotten
crocs, stagnant billy bongs, the hellacious Outback, & sweet Aussie sheilas - welcome
to The Outback Aussie! Grab your barbie - get Ken, too while you're at it - toss on a few shrimp and click yer mouse. It doesn't get any better than this!
black-rimmed glasses and bucked teeth, and he had a stick-on tag attached
to his khaki shirt that said, 'Frankie'. That was already one strike against
'em not to mention 'is poor eyesight. Those bucked teeth looked
horse-like at this close distance. Undoubtedly, he'd gotten detached from
his tour guide and group; they were quite popular here in the Outback.
ugly
sheila. Great punch, too. Life's good in the Outback now.
