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ROAD RAGE - THE BRUTUS DRIVERGoing hog wild! Nothing like getting away into the great outdoors for a few days of sun, fun and adventure! However, the problem is getting there and getting back home safely. Two hours ago you were standing on a narrow lane embowered with magnificent aspens. That was then; this is now. Somehow as you headed toward home you suddenly found yourself emerged in a never-ending line of heavy traffic. How you’d love to trade all those honking horns for bird songs again! Even those jug-jug bugs that kept you awake as you lay in your tent last night would sound like angels' voices to your ears now. Not only must you contend with all the traffic, but a new breed of drivers. Let’s see if we can identify some of these new species of drivers out on the road today. This should be interesting.
The ‘Brutus’ drivers are defined as those drivers who become totally unpredictable once they ‘man’ the wheel. They drive like a spoiled child, always demanding their way. If it’s your turn and you’re at a four-way stop with a Brutus driver, forget going until he does or you just might get squished. SUV’s, what joy they’ve brought to the auto industry! More women than men purchase these vehicles; it’s probably a power thing. Nonetheless, some can drive ‘hell bent for leather’ once they’re planted behind the wheel of one of these babies. And it’s amazing at how many other things these drivers can get accomplished as they drive – their cell phone conversation, touching up their hair, their makeup, taking a luxurious smoke break, chatting with frightened-looking passengers, and even painting their nails. Amazing! How efficient! If only this efficiency could be passed along to the miles per gallon that the vehicle gets. However, to be fair, you never know when you’ll encounter a snowstorm in the middle of July, or when you’ll have to get away from a raging rhinoceros during your drive to work! That Sport Utility Vehicle could really come in handy! We’ve all encountered truck drivers who come within a gnat’s toe of our vehicle. Oh, those unlucky Geo owners! And they call this civilization? Of course, truck drivers are experienced; after all they do this for a living. I’m sure they realize that if they are two feet behind you they’ll have ample time to stop the motorized stegosaurus they’re driving before plowing you under, if necessary. The positive point about this aspect is that there will be nothing to bury when they’re through with you. And have you noticed that as time goes by, those 1-800 numbers that used to be so prominent on the rear of these diesel beasts are becoming almost nonexistent? So much for reporting unsafe drivers! If you really think about it, a vehicle is nothing more than a motorized loveseat with a windshield. We're in the middle of the greatest energy crisis that our country’s ever faced, yet don’t even ask a SUV or truck owner to give up their gas-guzzling machine. There is a true need for these vehicles at times, but come on – do people need to drive these tanks to work? Some of these vehicles are lucky to get ten miles to the gallon. That small car owner can get about four times that amount! It seems that people would - or at least should be concerned about the future of our children. You can always tell when a major race has been broadcast on television. Some viewers will actually hit the road with an attitude of, “Move over! I am Richard Petty.” Roadside memorials can fly past their peripheral vision at speeds of 100 miles per hour and sometimes more. Men with trucks. Giving a man a truck can be more dangerous than sending him into a power tool retail shop with a fully loaded billfold. Like power tools, the bigger – the better. If you’re fortunate enough to see two truck drivers pass one another on the road, it’s an unforgettable character study. The guy with the bigger and newer truck will almost always look at the other ‘measly’ truck owner with a face that says it all, “My truck’s bigger than yours.” Another thing that’s gotten way out of hand is vehicle options. The cars and trucks in today’s world will do everything except bake bagels! They can even tell you how hot or cold it is outside, or plot out your voyage. Wait! Plot out a voyage? Now that’s one feature worth looking into! One thing for certain, if the energy crisis continues this land will not be my land, and this land will not be your land; it will be no man’s land – a desolate hole in which we’ve slowly dug and drained all the resources from. Two hours ago you were standing on a narrow lane embowered with magnificent aspens. That was then; this is now. Somehow as you headed toward home you suddenly found yourself emerged in a never-ending line of heavy traffic. How you’d love to trade all those honking horns for bird songs again! Even those jug-jug bugs that kept you awake as you lay in your tent last night would sound like angels' voices to your ears now. Not only must you contend with all the traffic, but a new breed of drivers. Let’s see if we can identify some of these new species of drivers out on the road today. This should be interesting. The ‘Brutus’ drivers are defined as those drivers who become totally unpredictable once they ‘man’ the wheel. They drive like a spoiled child, always demanding their way. If it’s your turn and you’re at a four-way stop with a Brutus driver, forget going until he does or you just might get squished. SUV’s, what joy they’ve brought to the auto industry! More women than men purchase these vehicles; it’s probably a power thing. Nonetheless, some can drive ‘hell bent for leather’ once they’re planted behind the wheel of one of these babies. And it’s amazing at how many other things these drivers can get accomplished as they drive – their cell phone conversation, touching up their hair, their makeup, taking a luxurious smoke break, chatting with frightened-looking passengers, and even painting their nails. Amazing! How efficient! If only this efficiency could be passed along to the miles per gallon that the vehicle gets. However, to be fair, you never know when you’ll encounter a snowstorm in the middle of July, or when you’ll have to get away from a raging rhinoceros during your drive to work! That Sport Utility Vehicle could really come in handy! We’ve all encountered truck drivers who come within a gnat’s toe of our vehicle. Oh, those unlucky Geo owners! And they call this civilization? Of course, truck drivers are experienced; after all they do this for a living. I’m sure they realize that if they are two feet behind you they’ll have ample time to stop the motorized stegosaurus they’re driving before plowing you under, if necessary. The positive point about this aspect is that there will be nothing to bury when they’re through with you. And have you noticed that as time goes by, those 1-800 numbers that used to be so prominent on the rear of these diesel beasts are becoming almost nonexistent? So much for reporting unsafe drivers! If you really think about it, a vehicle is nothing more than a motorized loveseat with a windshield. We're in the middle of the greatest energy crisis that our country’s ever faced, yet don’t even ask a SUV or truck owner to give up their gas-guzzling machine. There is a true need for these vehicles at times, but come on – do people need to drive these tanks to work? Some of these vehicles are lucky to get ten miles to the gallon. That small car owner can get about four times that amount! It seems that people would - or at least should be concerned about the future of our children. You can always tell when a major race has been broadcast on television. Some viewers will actually hit the road with an attitude of, “Move over! I am Richard Petty.” Roadside memorials can fly past their peripheral vision at speeds of 100 miles per hour and sometimes more. Men with trucks. Giving a man a truck can be more dangerous than sending him into a power tool retail shop with a fully loaded billfold. Like power tools, the bigger – the better. If you’re fortunate enough to see two truck drivers pass one another on the road, it’s an unforgettable character study. The guy with the bigger and newer truck will almost always look at the other ‘measly’ truck owner with a face that says it all, “My truck’s bigger than yours.” Another thing that’s gotten way out of hand is vehicle options. The cars and trucks in today’s world will do everything except bake bagels! They can even tell you how hot or cold it is outside, or plot out your voyage. Wait! Plot out a voyage? Now that’s one feature worth looking into! One thing for certain, if the energy crisis continues this land will not be my land, and this land will not be your land; it will be no man’s land – a desolate hole in which we’ve slowly dug and drained all the resources from.
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