One Kimosabe To Go Please

Enter the adventurous outdoors as a solitary man, or with a sidekick to freedom. It’s your choice. Are You A Solitary Man? Or, will you take one Kimosabe to go?

Sometimes your best sidekick to freedom is the hood ornament on your 1952 Pontiac. It’s hard to match the misery of taking a trip with a cranky partner. What begins as a joyous adventure into the land of discovery can quickly sour. If you find this scenario materializing before you leave, consider postponing the trip or taking it alone. Just look at what one morning of incompatibility did to Jay and Helen Blazes.

Saturday morning, 5 a.m.

Alarm Clock: "RING, RING, RING, RING, RING"

Jay leans over and shuts off the noisy alarm. He stretches and through the curtain of morning twilight he attempts to focus on the dead log beside him, his loving wife of twenty years, Helen. Any other morning and she’d have been skipping through the house thirty minutes ago. Not today! And he’d really wanted to get to the cabin on Lake Cod before lunch.

He graces Helen with a hard glance. She was practically sitting in the bed. Why must she insist on piling up three pillows to sleep on rather than using one like a normal person?

Jay: "Helen? Helen, honey? Helen?"

Hum, she’d been fondling that bottle of p.m. pain medication last night because she couldn’t fall asleep. Probably took a couple. Maybe a bigger shake and a louder voice will wake her?

Jay: "Helen! HELEN!! HELLLLLLLENNNN!"

Jay hides a triumphant little grin as Helen jerks up from her perch.

Helen: "Whaaat? Whaaat? Whaaat?"

Jay rolls up his upper lip in disgust, his thoughts silently circling. “Ouch! She’s cranky. She’s using ‘that’ voice, the one that sounds like a giant vulture. Lack of sleep; it does it to her every time!”

Helen tries to focus through the dimness of the room. She felt like a bowl of cold, dried up oatmeal and it was all Jay’s fault. Two a.m. in the morning and he was still tossing his fishing line across the bedroom – over the bed, reeling it over her body as she’d tried to sleep. His ‘one forgotten’ hook had almost cost her a new comforter. She’d really needed this weekend away, too. Maybe some caffeine would clear the cobwebs.

Jay delivers a hard, but loving, smack to Helen’s behind.

Jay: "Time to rise and shine, baby! We’re going fishing. Okay, hurry and get dressed. I want to get out of here ASAP. There’s a school of fish in the lake just waiting for my hook!”

Helen: "Jay, not before I’ve downed some coffee. My head feels bigger than the London bridge."

Jay springs out of bed and begins jerking on the pair of jeans that he laid out the night before. At least someone had prepared.

Jay: "Sorry, babe, but there’s no time for coffee -"

Helen: "Jay - "

Jay: "Helen, I said let’s get going -"

Well, we won’t go into the sordid details of what happened to Jay’s rod and reel. We’ll just say that it wasn’t pretty.

Nonetheless, the next time you yearn for high adventure weigh the situation; treat your potential partner for the trip with special kindness and savor your time together. Make it special, make it memorable, and make it fun!

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Where Wolf?

The Ethnic Vampire War

Nocturnal Spirits

Trailheads

Take a Hike

This Old Tent Part 2

This Old Tent Part 3

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