Sexy
Camping
Outdoor Cooking Equipment
Exquisite bar-b-q parties, tailgate suppers, watermelon socials, and canyon cookouts. Where's my sexy
grill?
At Home, Cooking Outdoors:
Is gas
sexy? Oh yes! Gas-powered grills are the only way to go these days. I know a bachelor that owns six - a true party animal. He has it down to a fine art, a grill for each food that's planned for grilling: beef, chicken, pork, fish, vegetables and Winnies. You don't want to know how many turkey fryers he has. Tip: Before you turn on your grill, use a little non-stick spray on the grates to prevent meat and other succulent goodies from attaching.
The Hibachi hit around the 1970's, seeing much more vintage notoriety than bell-bottomed jeans and men's patriot-styled hair-dos. These compact little houses of iron can produce superior results - so if you own one of these, don't let your neighbor's Paul Bunyon-sized grill scare ya. Tip: If you're into Kung Fu try locating a grill with dragons on each side.
(Important 'foot' note: Kung Fu is sexy, but not as sexy as camping.)
Smokers are for turkeys. And, they work quite well on meat too, but specifically poultry. Tip & Added Bonus: Position your smoker on the side of your house by that nasty neighbor so they get a front-row seat whiff!
If you're out camping, place it on the side of the tent where those bothersome
heathen kids are yelling - making your camping trip a living nightmare and
totally unsexy.
Brick Bar-b-ques are almost an oddity, phased into the annals of history by those gyrating gas grills with fake glowing coals and/or lava rock. However, nothing can quite match a hick cooking on brick. A plus: they can hold two-half sides of beef - almost an entire cow! Wow!
Outdoors, Cooking Outdoors:
Campstoves and tin cans were made for each other! Campstoves these days come in all sizes, x-small to x-large. If they were classified in planet lingo that comparison would equal Pluto to Jupiter. Grab your can opener, a roll of foil and dig in! Tip: A set of baby bottle tongs work well in handling the cans, as does regular pliers. I could not recommend using a pipe wrench in good conscience. Same goes for rubber gloves - but those thermal insulated aren't half-bad.
Campfires and people with bad lungs were NOT made for each other! They say that campfire smoke works to keep away the bugs from the campground. From personal experience, a campfire as big as Hades was not enough to keep the herd of mosquitoes away from our campground last summer at the beach. I wouldn't have been surprised the following morning to find that they had carried us off to sea as we slept in our tent the night before. It
was not sexy at all. However, campfires are good for burning marshmallows, making your hair, clothes and skin smell like smoke, and keeping you warm and toasty on a chilly evening,
which is sexy.
Outdoor Cooking Décor Necessities & Dining Plan - The Standard Items
 Apron that says, "Mama's Boy" or "I'm With Stupid"
or my favorite, "Sexy Camper".
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- Chinese lantern lights
(ultra sexy).
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- An outdoor fountain of a naked goddess that's portable for those wilderness excursions (cooking excursions)
(mega sexy).
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- At least one yard ornament; pink flamingos are always a big hit among the guests - an excellent conversation piece. If you're going to the wilderness, leave the flamingo to roost at home.
- Try hanging up some windchimes in your campground; collected clamshells or rocks dangled by fishing line work very well. Tie line securely.
- A crappy guitar player or Jimmy Buffet music.
- A country western singer that sings through their nose.
- One cow from your favorite market.
- Assorted veggies: mushrooms, corn on the cob, tough spinach.
- A clear sky.
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- One very large fork.
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- One very large spatula.
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- One very large knife.
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- Five gallons of basting sauce.
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- A group of very hungry people.
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- Paper plates so everyone can laugh when they cave in from food overload.
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- Beer
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- Beer
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- More beer.
Click
Here to Return to Sexy
Click
Here to Return to Into The Woods
Camping Recipes
Snap, Crackle, Pop Tortilla Soup
| Chuckwagon
Supper | Nachos
Deluxe | Pancakes
for a Princess |Pancakes
for a Pauper | A
Slice of Heaven | Graham
Cracker Clouds | Grasshopper
Pie | Cheesepie,
Oh My |
|
